Monday Morning Mayhem

You know how when you try to have everything organized for something the night before and you have all your plans layed out as to how things will go, a monkey throws a wrench and screws everything up? That was my morning. I thought I had everything ready. I thought I was prepared. I was wrong.

Husband is in Montreal on a business trip. You remember last March when he went to Germany & Denmark and when he came home I made him promise never to leave me again and he said - I'd like to promise that - promise shmomise. Cuz he ain't here. So until Wednesday morning it's just me holding down the fort.

I was awakened this morning at the ungodly hour of I don't know what because my eyes were glued shut so I couldn't look at the clock. But it was early. The phone was ringing. I didn't answer it. I figured it was the barn alarm for the feeding system which starts at 5:30 am. And once you wake up in the early morning you never really do go back to sleep. The phone rang two more times, I'm guess at half-hour intervals, so when I was finally able to pry my eyes open it was 6:30. And my alarm was set to ring at 6:45. So the phone rang a few more times and I decided that maybe it was Husband calling to see if I was up. He always usually brings me coffee in bed each morning and he was worried how I would get my coffee. He invisioned me lying helpless in bed, weakly calling out Help - I need coffee! Nice guy, isn't he. But in my evening preparations I had everything ready last night and all I had to do was turn the coffee-maker on. So I answered the phone when it rang just before 7 and it was the se-men delivery guy. Apparently nobody, and when I say nobody, I'm guessing E!, could find the se-men that he dropped off this morning. Yes, we get se-men delivered to the farm and we even have a handy-dandy se-men fridge to store it in at just the right temperature. Because it is delicate. And I'm trying to tell you all this without sounding dirty and giggling, but it just isn't happening. The se-men is for the pigs if you must know. And it gets delivered 3x a week. So the delivery guy called me this morning because nobody could find where he put it. Right, I mentioned that already. He put it where he always puts it, except this morning Husband wasn't around to take it down to the barn. So I took it. In my jammies. To the barn. Se-men. Pre-coffee, I might add. The boys were up and watching Star Wars Episode 2 (Thanks AB & JB) and I instructed them to have breakfast while I was gone, which they did, actually.

So that put me 20 minutes behind schedule. And then Shaggy tells me that he wasn't finished his homework. I told him he was because I checked it. He said he wasn't. So I re-checked it and he only wrote out his spelling list 1 1/2 times instead of 3 times. I thought for sure I saw 3 complete lists. Slacker mom I am. That just sounded like Master Yoda. Thanks again AB & JB. I'm supposed to check over each of Shaggy's spelling words to make sure they're all spelled correctly and written out neatly. Didn't happen this weekend. So I told Shaggy he had time to finish his list and as he's writing it out, his nose started to bleed. He gets nose bleeds fairly regularly in the winter and they gush and bleed for about 5-10 minutes. This morning was no different. And he had his nose pinched too tightly so the blood was coming out of his eye. He was doing it on purpose because he thought it was cool. I was disgusted. So the nose stopped bleeding and the spelling list got finished and he got ready for school.

Zoomer informed me that he had no clothes to wear. Ten minutes before our scheduled departure. I told him there were 4 pairs of pants and 3 shirts in his closet. He said they didn't fit. I told him to put on the pair of pants that we just bought at the beginning of the school year. He did. They don't fit. The zipper broke and I had to cut the zipper with scissors because a knife is too dangerous so he could get them off. The nerve of him growing like that. So I had him bring up the rest of his pants that don't fit. Then Shaggy came and said he couldn't do up his pants either, so I gave him a pair that Zoomer had just given me and they fit Shaggy perfectly. Again with the growing.

So that brings me to now. I need another coffee, but I think I'll be able to make it through the day. Even with Husband in Montreal. I should have asked for chocolate.