Just Back Away Slowly

And pretend you're not even here...I am in a mood to gripe and complain about all the injustices in my life, so gripe and complain I shall. I know I have it good but I feel like being crabby and just for today I'm going to overlook the good.

• I'm tired of being a single parent. Circumstances beyond Husband's control prevent him from being around but it gets to be a bit much when he's gone before the boys get up and gets home after they've gone to bed. Consistently. As in for the last month with no end in sight. As in I want my Husband back.
• My birthday sucked. I've debated about whether to blog about this or not but I get really upset everytime I think about it...which is every day...so I've got to blog and get it out of my system. And because blogging is cheaper than therapy. Why did it suck you ask? Because I got diddly-squat. Zero. Zilch. Nadda. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Oh, I did get a card from Husband and a card from the boys, and a birthday cake which I was going to go buy for myself (first birthday cake I've had in about 10 years but I really needed icing). I feel like in the eyes of Husband and the children I'm not important enough for them to buy me anything. I'm not about presents, but I do think it's important in the proper raising of our offspring that Mom gets something so that they will know how to properly treat their future wives. I just don't get it. Husband and AJ went to the Card Store - and yet they couldn't take the time to get some little tchochky...worse yet Husband and AJ went to the camera store to buy a disposable camera for CJ to take with him to camp - the very same store where I actually asked for something from (a picture frame type thingy that looks like a ladder and stands about 4-5 feet tall) and yet nothing. TJ, bless his six-year-old little heart, said to me the next day You're birthday was great yesterday Mom, but too bad you didn't get any presents.
• Muthers. If it's not one thing, it's your Mother. Muther called me on my birthday to say Happy Birthday; I was busy cleaning AJ's room so I didn't actually talk to her until about 3:00 in the afternoon. She wanted us to come over to visit step-brother and step-nephew who were visiting from out west and I could get my birthday gift at the same time. First of all, I have issues with her wanting us all to be one great big happy family. Second of all, I didn't even know they were coming for a visit. Third of all, I've met step-brother once - at the parents wedding - well not really...okay. Are you ready for circumstances beyond bizarre? Let's call this particular step-brother Cow Boy. He has two brothers, let's call them Farm Boy and City Boy, and Cow Boy's son we'll call Little Hoss. When I was a kid, we lived in the country but down the road from the Boy Family. They are all 10-15 years older than me, so I only knew them to wave as they rode their bikes past our place or whatever. Our families have gone to the same church for as long as I can remember, but City Boy and Cow Boy moved away a good 20 years ago. I did see them both at their Mother's funeral, where I was the soloist and then not again until our parents united in matrimony 14 months later. Which was the last I've seen of Cow Boy. City Boy is around for holidays but I only see him at church if he's in town. So spending my birthday with step-siblings that I don't really know didn't really appeal to me. I'm sure Muther was not happy with me. The other night she wanted a Family BBQ because Cow Boy and Little Hoss were leaving the next day to go back out west. We had puppy class so we were unable to make it so I know she was disappointed at that. Little Hoss seems like a likeable kid and I know Muther wanted him to get to know the boys; it's just all too weird for me. We're not really related so I don't want to be pushed into being a family with them. That sounds really cold and bitter and I don't mean to be but I'm struggling for the right words to use here. Oh, and Farm Boy has worked for the Jaj family for the last 20 years or so.
• Muther keeps saying how much she misses us - we live 10 minutes away - she hasn't worked all summer yet she's been over to visit once. I work full-time plus have had the boys home all summer whilst I try to get work done - we just don't get away anywhere. If she really missed us I think she'd visit once in awhile. Or at least bring me my birthday gift. I'm really desparate here.
• I miss CJ and wish it were Saturday already so he'd be home.
• I WANT MY BABY!!! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE NEXT CUT-OFF DATE OF THIS BATCH OF REFERRALS WILL BE!!! I WANT MY REFERALL!!! NEXT MONTH!!!

I'm just really crampy and emotional right now so I apologize for how this whole thing is sounding. I sound really bitter and whiny don't I. Like the world should revolve around me. It doesn't and it shouldn't but there are times in my life when I just don't feel like being happy. And today is one of those days.